Time for breakdown

So I've had a few days of complete breakdown. So many things are interfering with my regular ways of coping with the everyday challenges. I am constantly surrounded by people. And chaos. And emotions. I have absolutely no control over anything.
Naturally, this equals breakdown for me.
It has been so bad that I was seriously thinking I ought to drop out of school. That education just couldn't possibly work for/with me because I simply cannot handle learning situations.
There might be a good deal of truth to this but I refuse to give up.
(Sounds very brave, stating it like that. Really I'm just afraid of the situation I would be in if I did give up. That would be like giving up most of my identity.)

Even though it seems I am unable to fit into school - and, I must say, I have a hard time imagining any job position into which I would fit - I still know that I want to be doing something that interests me. That is my goal! What I want to do with my life. Because beyond anything this is what drives me. At the moment it seems to be about the only thing that can ignite that "fire" which I otherwise seem to have lost completely. I simply need to have something I can be passionate about. Even though - let's face it - I'll stress and obsess about it.
And no matter if I am feeling good or bad. I cannot give up passion.

'Cause when you believe (as I do) that the only meaning of life is the meaning you give it yourself *, I think it is necessary to have something in your daily life that you are truly passionate about - and especially if you have depressive tendencies in general!

And education is the road I need to take in order to get to a place where I can work with stuff I find interesting on a daily basis.
So that's the road I'm taking. Be it on my hands and knees, through heat and cold, complaining all the way. After winter comes spring and at the end of the road is a degree in biology of some sort.
Besides, crawling on the ground provides a nice view of  all the interesting plants, insects, fungi and what not...

Now I must get back to my failing at staying up all night and getting some work done on my exam project.



* (Well, you might argue that reproduction is the meaning of life, true, but as always it depends on the definition of "meaning". I like to say that reproduction is the purpose of life. But this is somewhat irrelevant.)