Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Negativity takes over again!!

If you dislike whining, stop reading right now.

To anyone who still thinks that I always excel at everything school-related - I would like to take this opportunity to obliterate this perception once and for all! (And I know, you (you know who you are!) are thinking that I complain about myself all the time, and I'm overreacting and making it much worse than it actually is. You will not listen to me, you will not get it, but I can't change that. So I'm complaining anyways!)
So, I just handed in a pretty big assignment last week. I've been working on it for months and I have to defend it tomorrow (if I haven't dropped dead from anxiety by then, that is...).
Now, I thought it was okay, really. But I keep finding more and more mistakes in it. Obvious, horrible, disturbing mistakes! I honestly feel like I've never before handed in anything this bad - at least not without having decided from the beginning that I wouldn't put much effort into it. But the thing is, I did put effort into this!! I spent a lot of time on it, and I haven't followed my other classes at all because I wanted to focus on this project. But I feel like I totally failed at it. Really.
(Yes yes, I know I always think I'm gonna fail at every subject right before my exam, which has not happened yet, so obviously it's not like my world is coming to an end, and yes life will go on. Probably. But I cannot be that rational right now. I'm having a 48 hour panic attack, for Merlin's sake)This really really is way below my standard - and not just the crazy standard that I want to reach, but the standard that I actually do reach. Normally!
It makes my feel so so  bad. Like, physically ill. I am seriously embarrassed.

Example? You would think I could spell the word 'biologic' by now... Especially since biology is what I'm studying. But nope, it seems I can't. I realized this (after a week, might I add!) when looking at the frakkin' front page! Really, the front page! I stood and laminated three copies of this page - which has very few words on it, in a huge font size - without noticing a thing.
And before you go all "oh nooo, you misspelled a word, how can you possibly live on??" I have much worse mistakes than misspellings in this thing... And when you add them all up, it just comes off very unprofessional.

So yes, negative Nicci took over once again... Sorry about that.
If you've made it all the way down here (without skipping anything) then I'm impressed! Thanks for "listening"

Today's Song: Facing the sun - Treefight for sunlight
Today's Quote: All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. - Gandalf
Today's Link: Feel sorry for me??
Today's Shot:

Monday, May 23, 2011

Maladaptive Change

I've recently realized something about myself...
Obviously, my social skills are, well, a bit limited. There is nothing new or surprising about that, but I've noticed something that I haven't given much thought before.
Everything I've "learned" about handling social situations, goes right out the window as soon as there is more than one person to interact with. I was aware that large groups of people generally are too much for me, but actually it seems the problems arise as soon as I have to handle more than one person.
I find this very interesting. If I'm with two friends at the same time, I change. And not just in the way you normally change depending on the people you're with. I see those changes as a natural adaptions to the environment. This is different. I really feel like I change "too much", i.e. I change in an unnatural way. It's not an adaption at all... It's actually more of a maladaptive change.
And I don't know why it's like this. It feels like it just takes so much energy for me to cope with one person alone, that coping with two people at once - it's just too much to handle. So I back out. I withdraw. I try to hide.
And so, I can't really be "myself".

I'm just wondering why this is.... I really have no Idea. I wonder if a psychologist would say that it can be attributed to the fact that I only had one parent as a child? Usually, that seems to be the explanation most psychologists prefer - for all of my problems! - so I wouldn't be surprised...


I'm too tired for links and stuff for today...
Let's say,
Song: London Skies - Jamie Cullum
Quote: Your focus determines your reality - Qui-Gon Jinn  

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Life Online

Obviously it is very different which role the internet plays in each of our lives.
Some people only use it when absolutely necessary, others are addicted to it, and still others have never used it - and perhaps never will.
I use it a lot. For just about everything. Information, communication, entertainment, administration, organization, convenience, and so on and so on.
Mainly, I find the internet amazing. Incredible, really. The many possibilities it provides worldwide keep increasing and expanding. So many parts of my daily life would not be possible if not for the internet and all the associated technology.
That being said, let me make it clear that I totally get where the critics of "modern life, the constant search for improvement and perfection, the increasing demands and stress" are coming from. The undesirable side effects and by-products are countless, and I think the people who are able to ignore the ongoing dependence on internet and technology in our societies might be better off. Spending most of your life in front of a computer and depending on internet stimulation, certainly seems like a loss of life quality to me. Though I'm sure not everyone agrees with that!
However, I do think that the counteractive popular trend of having to be offline  always and not having any social network profile, in order to be "cool", is pretty silly. But also very typical of us humans. Things are only cool until everybody has caught on. Then it becomes very uncool - so last year!!- and you must be opposite if you want to be approved of. I myself hate being like everybody else. But I really do wish I could care less.
It's like a constant search for the perfect balance, which will never be found because perfection is an illusion.

 - The awesome thing about a blog is that there are no rules... I have no idea where I'm going with this, but that's okay. I'll find out soon enough, and this is my blog, so whatever... -

So yeah, I love spending time online. I love the easy access to information about everything and I love the fact that we can all connect through this web.
YES, it would be even better to spend more time actually connecting in real life, but the fact of the matter is that we simply have less time. This is one of the unfortunate side effects of the constant development of our societies. And really there are so many benefits to this development. And I mean, what should we do? Stop and say 'So! This is it. Now we won't advance any further!' ?? I doubt it!
And being able to get in contact with people on the other side of the planet in a few seconds.... That is just... FTW!

And whether you enjoy social networks or not, whether you blog or not, vlog or not.... Come on... That is just yet another point of difference for us. We have many things in common (e.g. being eukaryotes) but (luckily) we are also different in so many ways. I find it a waste of time to watch sports. Others find it a waste of time to read books.
It's just about different interests.
If you conclude that someone is self-centered or arrogant or "has no life" from the fact that they tweet several  times a day, or regularly uploads pictures from their life on facebook... Well, I guess that is your choice then...


Today's songAgnes Obel: Riverside


Today's saying: "I'm like OCD about it, but I'm bad at it..." - Erin


Today's linkAnswers

Today's shot:
http://www.mymodernmet.com/profiles/blogs/22-incredible-photos-of