Quitting my job... Several things about this bothers me.
One, I hate being a quitter. I hate being the one who just gives up.
Two, it's so predictable. I've ended up quitting every job I've ever had because of anxieties and stress. Every single one. Even the one job I ever really liked. And that was one of those jobs you only get if you have the right connections, and they really liked me there too... I just couldn't fight that anxiety. Stupid!
And so, now I did it once again. I hate being predictable and fitting into the boxes people put me in. It's tormenting! (hate is a strong word, but honestly, I don't feel like I'm exaggerating. If there is anything I actually can hate, it must be aspects of myself.)
Obviously there is also the loss of half my income. But hey, if anyone can manage a low budget, that would certainly be me. (she said naively)
And, as always, I fear the loss of control. I cannot remember the last time I didn't have a pretty large sum of money in the bank - just in case... It was probably before I started making money! The thought of ending in some situation where I need money for something important, and then not having my savings to take them from, terrifies the crap out of me.
But I really think I need to do this for me... I've been feeling better lately, which is fantastic (!), but it has also made it clear to me how much anxiety my work is inducing. And I can't take it. I won't let a thirst for money drag me down at a time when I'm otherwise improving.
I do hope I don't regret this a month from now....
Today's song*: These Days from the new Foo Fighters album Wasting Light
(It's awesome!)
Today's saying: "You know you're a nerd when you have no life and you can prove it mathematically"
Today's link: Sports made awesome
Today's shot:
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| Me in London - Trying to start a new trend (one glove, one mitten) |
* I got the idea of adding a "song of the day" to my post from my friend Nela
I hate being a quitter too, I usually pray to get a text canceling my work on a given day but I would never cancel it myself.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you should draw up some criteria that would help you filter your job from the beginning so that you make sure it will be good for your health situation? :)
That's probably a good idea Nela! :)
ReplyDeletethere's actually a new book out by a guy who i follow on twitter called Quitter; i haven't read it so i have no idea exactly what he talks about, but i know it's addressing this feeling of always quitting jobs and never moving towards something and i think how to change that? might be interesting to you? but again, haven't even read an excerpt of it. and i know he is a christian, so i don't know how much of the book is channeling that, and how much is general- buuut... yeah! :)
ReplyDeleteOh, that's interesting :)
ReplyDeleteI think I'll try looking it up...