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Aiming

I get so tired of it all. Of pretending. Of always having to come up with something "meaningful" in life, It's exhausting. It's not that I don't get why or how to do it. I feel like I've gotten pretty good at it by now.
But still... Sometimes the role-playing just becomes too much. The pretending makes me sick to my stomach and I need to sit back and breathe. Which is okay, I guess. Except, that's when the thinking starts. And the thinking leads to despair. To that point where aiming seems aimless. Where I don't know  whether to puke, sleep, or just slam my head into the wall repeatedly until pain is the only thing on my mind.

Life’s not a song.

Life isn’t bliss.

Life is just this.

It’s living.

Face of an Injured Panda

Let me paint you a picture. Not literally; that wouldn't do any of us good.

Turn back time, about 8 hours, and let's zoom in on Nørrebronx, Copenhagen - The tough neighborhood. To one of those new concrete buildings in which it takes an army to hang up a fucking picture on the wall. To an apartment on the first floor. Not one of the "real" apartments. No, the small student one crammed in between the other two.

Open the door and you'll find a small redhead in the remains of a bed that broke a few months after purchase, and apparently didn't have a warranty on it. The redhead knows this "bed" well. Endless hours and entire days have been spent there lately, due to painful joints and skin symptoms of the inflammatory bitch of a disease, Sarcoidosis.

Don't let the appearance fool you. This is a 25-year-old woman, despite what the Star Wars band-aid across the cheek and the diaper rash cream all over the face might suggest. The enormous amounts of smeared mascara is the manifestation of modern-day worries. Worries about having plenty of bills to pay but zero income, about having to plan the future without having any faith in it. Stress over the current state of doing nothing, while the risk of dying from atherosclerosis continues to increase.

This is just yet another day. For the redhead too. Yet another uninformative doctor's appointment, a rare but unsuccessful job interview, yet another extreme headache...

Tears on top of a torturous headache is extensively painful, but it is still easier to sleep the pain away than the despair. That one cannot be evaded. It's always there, wanting attention, pushing towards that final point of giving up. Not letting you know how close you are.

One Too Many Times

Okay. I have no problem with people being religious. I think we're all entitled to put our faith in whatever we want - be it ourselves, each other, fireflies, or some deity. I believe that J.K. Rowling is a hero, and it's fine with me that some people don't believe that to be true.
However, something that does bother me - quite a lot - is when people use horrible, invalid arguments to try and "prove" some religion.
I prefer to keep away from online debates about religion and atheism and so on, because they won't get anyone anywhere (for a number of reasons). But sometimes the annoyance builds up and I need to let it out.

An argument I've heard one too many times is this:
"There must be a creator because The Big Bang cannot have arisen from absolutely nothing"

First of all, we don't "know" that there was nothing before the big bang. Obviously there are many things about the Big Bang theory (those words will always sound different now) that can't easily be tested, and I don't find it surprising that there's a lot we don't know about this.

Second, even if the entire theory turned out to be completely wrong and we had absolutely no idea how anything started, it still wouldn't  make a "God" the best explanation.

Lastly, if your logic is that it's impossible for something to arise from nothing; that there must be a creator... Then who created God??



Okay, I just needed to get that out. I might have to write more "One Too Many Times" posts in the future, when I hear some of the good old invalid arguments.

I don't even know...

Where to start?
I've been meaning to write a post about the traveling and the conventions and all that shizz. Never got around to that.
When I got back home I spent some time trying to adjust. I did not succeed. Instead I got a big round of all-consuming anxiety. The kind that lasts for weeks. The kind that keeps me in bed for days at a time.
Now I'm trying to crawl back out of this mess. Which is made a bit more difficult by the fact that my feet are swollen. Literally... My entire body has been breaking out in strange skin issues, and my feet are swollen and painful. Some days I really can't walk at all. I'm gonna go see the doctor tomorrow. (I cannot possibly say "the doctor" without thinking "The Doctor")

Oh and also, I quit university...

Oy with the poodles already.

STARS HOLLOW!!

Blog post tiiiiime!!

Cat and I went to Warner Brothers Studios in North Hollywood yesterday. This means that I GOT TO GO TO FREAKIN' STARS HOLLOW! I cannot put my fangirl excitement into words, but I am so excited that I don't give a shit about being such a fangirl. Go ahead and hate me for it.
Cat and I basically spent the majority of the tour in ecstasy; literally jumping up and down and gasping at every other sight.
Just... AH, so much awesome!!
We got to see so many things, including Luke's, Miss Patty's, Lane's house, the church, Dosee's Market, Lorelai's house, the gazebo (even though it had been moved), Rory's study tree, and even the Twickham House!
Besides Stars Hollow stuff, we got to see Central Perk, Sheldon Cooper's apartment (and the elevator!!) , LOTS of actual props and costumes from Harry Potter movies - e.g. a petrified Hermione - The Batmobile, and so so much more!
Also, we bought the entire merchandise shop on the way out.
Filming was not allowed, but we were allowed to take pictures on some parts of the tour...

Quick VidCon Scribbles

So, VidCon is over - :-( - and since this hotel wifi sucks beyond sucking I am writing a short blog post instead of getting annoyed that a video won't upload.

An attempt at putting the essence of my many thoughts and feelings into a few sentences:

VidCon was AMAZING. I definitely want to go again next year!
Being around so many people oozing with passion... Just... YES. An instant natural high.
The people behind the con did such a great job with everything and the convention center was great.
The fact that I feel like I know people who have absolutely no clue who I am, is something that will always seem weird to me.
Last year at LeakyCon I was amazed that all the "youtube celebrities" existed in 3D. This time it was the "smaller youtubers" who confused my brain by standing in front of me; full size and no computer screen. People who do know who I am and who I've been communicating with for a while.
Also, meeting a subscriber I don't already know... Oddest thing ever!
Everything was so motivating!! I walked away inspired to vlog a lot more and "not be afraid to be me"... (Cliché for a reason, right?)
I was also reminded of just how extremely awesome the youtube community is! Passion, friendship, inspiration, strength, and so much more. And at the same time we can use the community to support talents that need to be shared with the world.
Really. Just so much awesome and so many things. My brain can hardly handle it. I need to stop writing now, before I explode with the frustration from trying and failing to express the brilliance of VidCon.

I did not proofread this, so excuse any errors... That is all, folks.

Schmequent...

Frequent blogging, schmequent blogging, eh?
This is still more frequent than my blog posts have been in a long time, so YEAH, get off my back, B*¤#§ !

I honestly don't want to get into a long complaining rant-blog, so I'm just gonna state an extremely condensed  version of my thoughts.
I absolutely hate lying in my bed at night, unable to calm down. Overwhelmed by unwelcome feelings of stress and panic. Tossing and turning for hours, wishing I could simply turn of the conscious parts of my brain.
I hate waking up the next morning, surprised that I managed to fall asleep at some point and wondering what time my body finally gave in. Feeling the aftermath of the night's continuous stress signaling and the accompanying frustration and aggregated aggravation.

I hate that.

I also hate admitting defeat. But sometimes it must be done.

OH, and to end this on a happy note: I AM LEAVING NEXT WEEK! Can't wait.

See... HAPPY FACE

Also, I moved and I love my new place, but it's still a mess.

Making stuff up for fun!

THE RETURN OF THE NICCI! (Maybe...)

Yes, I am on a quest to get back into frequent blogging. We'll see how that goes though. Many have tried, and many have failed. But here is step 1.

And why not start with something that seems completely out of character for me; something as superficial as looks! Yes, that's right. But fear not, my friend, I am still me. As always, everything here boils down to fear. Now let's get started with the brain vomit:

For a long time, my fear of judgment has stopped me from taking much interest in my appearance. Well, actually, it's not so much a lack of interest as the usual lack of guts to just do what I want. Let me explain...
In my head, decisions and choices are to be based on some logical set of  demands, ideals, or parameters. Therefore, choosing a dress, a haircut, or a "look" in general leaves me bewildered, because there is no logic upon which I can base my decisions. (I know this explanation is getting a bit convoluted, but stay with me here...) Thus, for example, if I was to make an effort to look a specific way or "go for a certain look" (or whatever hip people call it nowadays), my logic suggests that this look actually would represent my choices and values. And so, my (extremely influential) irrational fears of everything and anything result in a decision not to care at all - because "what if people were to think that I actually find it important how others look, and that I must be a superficial bitch??"...
Now, obviously, one fault in this logic is that the majority of people don't think like that, and therefore would not read that much into e.g. my outfit. (I mean, we're all subconsciously prejudice about people's looks and the implications of these, but those judgments are also somewhat individual since they are at least partly based on previous experiences. So it is quite impossible to predict a given stranger's judgment of me and my appearance.)
And then of course; the most important things I need to explain to myself:

1. So what if strangers think you're a superficial bitch?! Doesn't matter.
2. It does not need to be such a big deal! It's just an outfit or an eye shadow or whatever!! It's just for fun. Harmless fun. Just like Harry Potter! It may not be the purpose of life, but it is fun/interesting/helpful/something!
Over-rationalizing everything leads to pointlessness (and perhaps insanity) since all of your logic essentially is based on one thing: THERE IS NO OVERALL PURPOSE. In the end, this means that even logic is useless, and suddenly nothing is rational, and everything you think you are and know is pointless, and it all becomes one huge paradox.
So, yeah... Don't go there. Just enjoy as many parts of life as possible.
Basically. If  (for some very odd reason) you want to wear a gigantic purple bird in your hair, just do so!
 - As long as it's not a live one that might fly off and attack a stranger. Or something. Yeah

Naturally, with my obsessive personality and habits, I have turned these thoughts into a giant project; wanting to get better at having fun being me - without worrying about what others read into my behavior. And who knows, in the long run it might make me better at making all those general decisions I'm always afraid of making (i.e. any decisions)...
I am already finding this new "appearance approach" very liberating in so many ways, but that is brain vomit for another time.
I think, overall, the biggest change in my outlook is this: I used to think that people who put money and effort into their appearance did it for others. However, now I actually get what people mean when they talk about doing this for yourself and as an outlet for creativity. I honestly thought that kinda talk was pure bullcrap. So yes, if you think this all sounds like exactly that - bullcrap - I totally get why that is.

Anyways, as always, this long rant about fear has the usual point: Life is what I make it.

See!! I've got style!

Planned this year (so far...)

Netherlands

Scotland

England

California

Tennessee

Illisnois ϟ

Just saying....  

 ✈

Angry rant is angry.

This is an atheist rant. You have been warned.
When I wrote it, I was angry, annoyed, and provoked. Hence, the extreme amounts of all caps.


I had decided not to post this, but now I did post it. Remember - angry rant! Not everything that comes out during a rant makes sense. Also, I can't be bothered to explain it, so I'll just give you the raw rant:

It is faith! The one thing that bothers me is when people won't just accept that it is about FAITH, and therefore you cannot prove it. You can discuss the truths and rights and wrongs of your faith, as long as you make it clear that it is a faith! My problem is when people try to PROVE that their faith is true....
In science, first of all, proof, evidence, laws, all that - it's not the infinite, overall, universal, indisputable truth. It is what we conclude must be true, based on everything we know, and IT CAN be disputed in the future if we make new discoveries that change the way we view things.
Science is systematized. It consists of different methods and definitions which we use to make sure that we are discussing the same things with the same preconceptions and understandings.
SO, you cannot scientifically prove something WITHOUT THE SCIENCE. You can't just pick and choose the parts of science you like. (Of course you can disagree with a specific method or how it is used - as long as you have scientific arguments for it). And you cannot disprove any scientific notion or concept with anything other that SCIENCE. If you want to discuss science, you use science. Not the bible. And not your own definition of right and wrong or good and bad. NOT your faith.
I once heard a creationist argue that there was no way the evolution theory could be true because the whole idea of "survival of the fittest" was just evil..... (?!!!?)
(I'm not gonna comment on that because the arguments of creationists happens to be a pet peeve of mine, and once I start complaining, I can't stop.)

I have no problem with people believing in something I don't understand and don't see how could be possible, but I do have a problem with people not accepting that faith is one thing and science is a completely different thing. Faith is faith. It's something you believe. Personally.
Science is about investigating and explaining what seems to be. It is NOT something personal.
You are also allowed to completely disagree with every scientific method. But then I don't really know what you would base anything in your daily life on.

Question:
What are some things that help you deal with anxiety?

Answer:
Honestly, I feel like I still don't have any efficient means of coping with it. I often just give in and separate myself from the anxiety by fleeing.
The only thing I've learned can be helpful is distraction. Since the anxiety comes from the myriad of thoughts that fill my mind, I find it helpful to put myself in situations where I don't pay any attention to all those thoughts.
Of course it is different from person to person which situations would work, but for me some of the best things are:
Hanging out with people I'm comfortable with.
Exercise
Getting lost in music
Cleaning (yes, cleaning... makes me feel great!)
Going to see a movie (or other forms of entertainment I enjoy)

The thing about it is... None of this actually helps. It just gives me a break from the constant torture of the anxious thought patterns.
When it comes to actively dealing with the anxiety, I am at a loss...

ASK ME ANYTHING

This is where you can leave me questions.

Go ahead...

Right there, add a comment.
↓

Inevitable Prejudice

Some have asked me why it is easier for me to interact with some people than with other (most) people.

Again, the whole anxiety aspect is generally difficult to explain, but the essence here must be the fact that I can relax much better when I feel convinced that the people I am around are enjoyable people... So yeah, that sounds like a pretty judgmental personality trait, which it is.

I wish I was much less judgmental when it comes to people, because in theory and in "the big picture" I believe in keeping as open a mind as possible. But again, when it comes to anxiety... What's rational or makes sense has no say at all.
And also, it must be mentioned, it is of course sometimes favorable to be judgmental. I mean, if you encounter a group of people wearing identity-hiding clothes in a dark alley, then it can be a good idea not to have too open a mind. Or if you're confronted by a large wild animal of which you don't know anything. Better to just assume that it's dangerous.
But yes, subconsciously I simply immediately convince myself that I need to fear people of whom I am unsure.
It's like my pessimism... Rationally and philosophically (if you can say that), ideally, I believe in optimism. I wish I could be as optimistic as I believe would be best. But I always act like the biggest pessimist. And I know it. Can't help it.

As always, it is the unknown, the uncertain, that gets me. So basically if I just knew everything for sure then everything would be fine. Then I would be able to relax, and not freak out. Not set my body's defenses on high alert every time I think of other people.
So yeah, totally realistic (and not at all boring, right?) scenario.

This is probably also one of the reasons why I am better at meeting friends online. I can get an idea of who people are before I actually have to meet them, and assure myself that I could enjoy being around these people. Even if it would turn out to be wrong, it would still have helped me.

Thank you, internet.

Also, no. I don't know from where these thought patterns originate.
And lastly, I will add an Ask Me Anything page to this blog, where you can, well, ask me anything, and I can answer in a blog post. And you are also always welcome to ask questions in the comments of each blog post, if there is some of my nonsense you don't quite get.

Welcome to 2012!

Awesome thing of last year: LeakyCon badge <3

This is my problem:

Note: In the following, it takes me a while to get to the point, so if just want the essence of my ramblings, then go ahead and skip to the last paragraphs...

I will try to explain it. I usually fail pretty hard at explaining it so others understand, but still, I'll give it a try. Again.
So. In therapy, I'm supposed to learn how this anxiety is irrational and invalid. And through this realization I should then be able to diminish it. Through learning about how the anxiety controls me. Through controlled exposure to my fears. Through knowing, experiencing, and being aware of the fact that the "dangers" are artificial...
Now, no offense (and I know I come off as an audacious know-it-all when saying this), but I KNOW THIS! Seriously, I am fully aware of the irrationality and absurdity of my anxiety. This isn't a new realization for me. It has bothered me for oh so many years now.
And it does not enable me to change my reactions and unease. No.
I cannot just TELL myself not to care - even if it is (which is often the case) my belief that I have absolutely no reason to care, even the slightest, about what is or happens. If I could just tell myself what to think and feel, then there would be no problem in the first place!
I WISH you could just feed me information and I would then be able to react rationally in a given situation.

I still don't feel like I'm being very clear.
Let me try with some examples.

Reversed psychology: Let's say you were able to make Lisa participate in something she didn't want to, by pretending you did not want her to participate. Lisa would participate, and probably even enjoy it a bit. This sometimes works on some people. However, that does not mean that you can just tell someone: "right, okay, there's this boring thing I want you to do, so just keep telling yourself that I don't want you to do it, and you'll totally feel like it!"
YOU might be able to fool Lisa, but Lisa cannot fool herself like that.

Placebo: In some cases people are able to induce an effect just by believing that a product can provide this effect. But you can't knowingly induce this effect in yourself. I mean, you can't give someone a glass of useless pills and say "so, these don't actually work, but you just need to believe that they do..."
That's just not gonna do it!

I cannot just tell myself to think or believe something. My brain does not work that way.
Honestly, when I tell myself all these things I'm supposed to tell myself in order to handle my anxiety, it feels like I'm trying to trick myself. I simply just cannot convince myself. It's like trying to tell myself I have black hair... I can say it oh so many times, and I still won't believe it because my senses tell me I have RED hair.
Like looking at tree and trying to convince myself it's not there... Not gonna happen!!

Can't wait to go there again next year!!

I FLED! Once again.

Let me tell you a story...
Once upon a time there was a girl. A scared girl. Terrified.
Scared of what? Well, that's the thing. There was nothing to be scared of, and this girl actually knew that. But still she felt terrified - in the most regular of situations.
Whenever she felt the fear, which was quite often, she saw two options. Fight, or flight. Sometimes she did fight, but only for a short while. Then she fled. She fled back to her burrow and hid from the world. Angry with herself for thinking that things would be different this time. It never was.
She was no Gryffindor. She was not brave. The fear always won in the end.

Hmm, the whole third person thing isn't really working, huh?
So yeah, I did it again. I tried doing the whole "having a normal life" thing, and I failed. I lasted two days, and then I was back in my bed crying my eyes out and hyperventilating. And once again other people are left with the shit I decided to flee from instead of handling. Yeah that's how I do it. Don't you just love me?
Conclusion: I failed at getting through ANY of the courses I wanted to take this semester.
And why? Because I had to interact with people.

The worst part of it all is that it proves how much these fucking anxiety issues are standing in the way of everything I want to do. And not even that can make me overcome it. (And if you know how stubborn I am, you know that's saying a lot.)
This semester I chose my courses not based on whether or not I would be able to do all the work from home, but instead based on my interests. Thinking that if only I found the subject interesting enough... I would be able to get myself through the lab exercises and so on - where I had to be around other human beings.
I was wrong.
Once fear took over, I could do nothing.

So, I fled. AGAIN.
I literally just took my lab coat, stuffed it in my bag, grabbed my jacket and walked until I was out of viewing range. Then I ran to my bike and hurried home.
And as soon as the uni intranet is working again, I am cancelling the course.

Final conclusions: If I want to get that stupid degree, I'll have to stick to courses without mandatory social interactions. Also, I am no longer planning to continue with a master's degree. Not unless I get better at handling my anxieties. When/if that day comes, I'll think about it.
It's just not worth it if I cannot study what I actually want to study. However, I WILL get this bachelor's degree so I'll have the option in the future.

Next problem... How will I ever find a job I can actually handle?

dailybooth

Okay

It seems people are worried about me. I get that. I mean, my dad died recently... I would worry about me too.
But seriously, I'm not doing that bad.
Yes, I'm extremely sad about loosing my dad, and I still think about him every day and dream about him basically every night. But don't forget who I am. Being quiet and withdrawn is part of my personality.
No, I'm definitely not at my best at all, but honestly... I was more depressed one year ago, before my dad died.
Now, I know my own most prominent warning signals and symptoms when it comes to depression. And yes, some of them are showing their ugly faces. But still... I have been much more worried about me than I am at the moment. And me being absent or closed is no indication of my state of well-being.

Sometimes, the worst possible thing is when people think you're unable to take care of yourself.

I'm not sure what I wanted to say with this. I think I just wanted to share my views.

#lessthanthree

The Big Internet Theory

I just turned off my computer after about 2 hours of tumbling, tweeting, facebooking, youtubing, and also watching breaking bad, while repeatedly telling myself to go to bed. But when you have to sleep and you aren't tired, you just think. A lot. Sooo many thoughts! So I grabbed my computer again because I wanted to talk to you, blog!

And this is what I was thinking about.
I have a theory. About my internet life. About why I love living here on the internet. It's not just because it's great here, and I get to live inside where the weather is always nice (#johngreenreference).
It's also because I feel free here. I feel free to be "me".
 - I know what you're thinking - "Oh, great, one of those posts", but hear me out here... I actually find this interesting. (Nicci, that convinces nobody. You find phlegm interesting!)
It has always been a huge problem for me that I constantly feel like I'm in the way. I've always been very quiet, feeling like whatever I wanted to say was of no interest or importance to others. Always tried to hide and become invisible, because I felt that I would be in the way if I was "actually there". In the way of other people's needs, desires, and happiness. And if I stood in the way like that, obviously, everyone would dislike me. That was how I saw it. And therefore I did my best to avoid being noticed (and I did a pretty good job too, in spite of my hair color).
Today I see that it is irrational, but the problem is that it has long since become a big part of my personality. In fact, it is almost the entire root of it.
So, I still feel like I'm always in the way. Even though I see that it is irrational. (I am no Temperance Brennan, I am not that ruled by logic)

And this brings me to my point...
On the internet - in my blogs, vlogs, tweets, updates, and so on - I can be myself, without being in anybody's way. Because people can choose if they want to read/watch/whatever or not. If they find my rants about social norms whiny, they can just skip them. If they find my tweets about Booth annoying, they can unfollow. If they don't want to watch all the Harry Potter videos I link to on facebook, then they just don't click the fucking link. And I know it. It is so liberating!! All of the stuff I feel is random Nicci bullshit that most people won't find interesting... I just spill it out all over the internet. I can make as much of a mess as I like, because I'm the only one who has to live with it. The internet is SO big that everyone else living here won't be bothered by all of my crap.
I have never had that feeling before, and I like it. I don't even care if it is selfish!!!

So that is my theory about why I love living on the internet.

DFTBA

Am I real?

I was just having this very interesting discussion. With myself. Yeah, I do that a lot. I'm probably my favorite person to talk to, in general... 'Cause I always know what I mean. And yes, I really do consider that a REAL discussion.

Real. What is real? I was thinking about how it feels a bit sad that I can get so attached to fictional characters and their stories. So much that I just wish they were real! But they're not. Or are they?
Seriously. What is real?

Let me just remind everyone of my favorite quote:
Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real?

- Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore

Thoughts are real, right? I mean, they are real thoughts!
Are memories real? Considering the fact that they don't always correspond with the "truth", i.e. what actually did happen in the past, some might argue that they aren't necessarily real. But then again, a memory is a real memory, right? It is there. Otherwise you wouldn't be remembering. It is a memory.

Multiple personalities in one body... That is considered a mental disorder. So, are the "extra" personalities not real? I would say that they are real. They are real identities constructed by the brain. Just like my personality! Or maybe personalities in general just aren't real? I think they are. No matter what we call it, personalities do seem to exist.

A lie is real. It is not the truth. But it is real. Once you've lied, that lie exists.

This could be a problem. Or maybe a solution. Probably both. It seems that according to my logic here, Harry Potter is real. Qui-Gon Jinn is real. Treebeard, Seeley Booth, all of the Lorelai Gilmores, Catniss Everdeen. Real. All of the different gods people believe in. All real! 

Of course, as always, it all depends on the definition. How do you define the word real?
But then again, really? A word definition determines what is or isn't real?
Well, when it comes down to it, yes! After all, "real" is just a description. Just a word.

- So, basically what you're saying is that everything you just wrote is exactly as relevant and/or irrelevant as everything else??
- Yes. This is what it ALWAYS comes down to... It depends on how you look at it. Everything is relative!
- But... But that indicates that the statement itself is only true from certain points of view, and therefore is self-refuting.

- Yeah, I know. Wanna talk about how "truth" does not exist??
- Oh, please, no. I think I get it.

- Whatever, I'm not even sure you're real!

Definitely real!

Whaaat?? A blog post????

Whoa whoa whoa, wait! What's this? Nicci is actually blogging?? Alert the Daily Prophet!
Yeah, I know... I should probably just admit the decline in my blogging frequency, and accept that this is the current reality. Right?

So. I hereby state that I will no longer be contributing regularly to this blog.
This way I won't feel guilty about my absence and I won't feel the need to start every post with an apology. Also, eliminating expectations usually makes me more productive.

So, what special occasion is causing me to stop by here?
Well, I have nothing better to do. I've been lucky enough to acquire laryngitis, so I'm kinda confined to my bed. Which is killing me. The only positive side of this situation is that I have an excuse for watching Bones all day. Not saying it's a very valid excuse, but it is indeed an excuse!

Well, as you might already have guessed, I have absolutely no point to make here. I am simply just complaining about being sick. I've been spamming twitter and facebook a bit with my complaints and I figured I would put it here in my personal zone instead. (That's right, this is my personal zone, and you are welcome to hang out here. That's a big deal!) I find that it usually helps me to kind of "state" things here. It's like once I've published it here in my zone, I've basically dealt with it and I no longer need to keep it on repeat in my mind.

Thus, I leave you know with a pointless blog post, and I don't feel bad about it 'cause this is MY blog, my zone.
Yup.

Oy with the poodles already!

P.S. On a life update note... I'm taking half of this semester off, so I'm not starting school until later this month. It does mean that I'll be a bit behind, but that won't be a problem.
I just needed some extra time to get on top of this summer. I miss my dad a lot!

No idea... Feel free to suggest funny captions!