Again, the whole anxiety aspect is generally difficult to explain, but the essence here must be the fact that I can relax much better when I feel convinced that the people I am around are enjoyable people... So yeah, that sounds like a pretty judgmental personality trait, which it is.
I wish I was much less judgmental when it comes to people, because in theory and in "the big picture" I believe in keeping as open a mind as possible. But again, when it comes to anxiety... What's rational or makes sense has no say at all.
And also, it must be mentioned, it is of course sometimes favorable to be judgmental. I mean, if you encounter a group of people wearing identity-hiding clothes in a dark alley, then it can be a good idea not to have too open a mind. Or if you're confronted by a large wild animal of which you don't know anything. Better to just assume that it's dangerous.
But yes, subconsciously I simply immediately convince myself that I need to fear people of whom I am unsure.
It's like my pessimism... Rationally and philosophically (if you can say that), ideally, I believe in optimism. I wish I could be as optimistic as I believe would be best. But I always act like the biggest pessimist. And I know it. Can't help it.
And also, it must be mentioned, it is of course sometimes favorable to be judgmental. I mean, if you encounter a group of people wearing identity-hiding clothes in a dark alley, then it can be a good idea not to have too open a mind. Or if you're confronted by a large wild animal of which you don't know anything. Better to just assume that it's dangerous.
But yes, subconsciously I simply immediately convince myself that I need to fear people of whom I am unsure.
It's like my pessimism... Rationally and philosophically (if you can say that), ideally, I believe in optimism. I wish I could be as optimistic as I believe would be best. But I always act like the biggest pessimist. And I know it. Can't help it.
As always, it is the unknown, the uncertain, that gets me. So basically if I just knew everything for sure then everything would be fine. Then I would be able to relax, and not freak out. Not set my body's defenses on high alert every time I think of other people.
So yeah, totally realistic (and not at all boring, right?) scenario.
So yeah, totally realistic (and not at all boring, right?) scenario.
This is probably also one of the reasons why I am better at meeting friends online. I can get an idea of who people are before I actually have to meet them, and assure myself that I could enjoy being around these people. Even if it would turn out to be wrong, it would still have helped me.
Thank you, internet.
Also, no. I don't know from where these thought patterns originate.
And lastly, I will add an Ask Me Anything page to this blog, where you can, well, ask me anything, and I can answer in a blog post. And you are also always welcome to ask questions in the comments of each blog post, if there is some of my nonsense you don't quite get.
Welcome to 2012!
And lastly, I will add an Ask Me Anything page to this blog, where you can, well, ask me anything, and I can answer in a blog post. And you are also always welcome to ask questions in the comments of each blog post, if there is some of my nonsense you don't quite get.
Welcome to 2012!
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| Awesome thing of last year: LeakyCon badge <3 |
I know exactly what you mean and I think that's fairly common; for instance, I don't feel as comfortable around most people I work with, until I learn that maybe they really love harry potter or doctor who. and even then, there's still this "...but you don't really get me and i don't really get you..." feeling. it was the same usually with people in classes with me- because i never trusted or felt that they cared or were there to learn to the same extent i was, and i didn't like how much they would judge classes or teachers unfairly.
ReplyDeleteand when i get around, say, a bunch of people who i know are harry potter fans like *I'm* a Harry Potter, it's much easier for me to go ahead and be my crazy, excited, hyper self.
and I especially don't think the anxiety/tenseness that comes from wanting to feel like you know exactly what's going to happen and have control is very odd at all; that's just life, isn't it? we *don't* have control, and we *don't* know what's going to happen, and we have to figure out how to deal with that and interpret that, and because of that, we come up with many different theories or life mottos or mantras or whatever to try and explain it or help it. the question comes then to if any of them actually work. Personally, most days I can only relax and breathe because I know that someone who knows much better than me, and cares much more about me than I could imagine is in control of it all. and even if I don't know the way, I know who's leading me, and I know He is good, and that He has proven this to me time and time again, so, I, often reluctantly, continue to relinquish my own control and trust his. I don't think I could rest very well or at all if I didn't believe that. which i know seems crazy to many people, and maybe it is, but that's my two cents on how i deal with those feelings and where i think they come from.
For the longest time I thought it was BAD BAD BAD to be a judgmental person. And as it happens I do have a personality of the type. Now I think that firstly, there is a difference between a judgment and an assessment based on your values. Of course you don't know the person. You see only the side of a given personality and it may not be your cup of tea. But that doesn't mean you're not keeping an open mind. There is no need of keeping an open mind if you're going to struggle to talk to people you really don't want to talk to, just because you think that is a step toward being non-judgmental. I've gone through that and it definitely didn't boost my confidence. I felt as if I was doing something wrong that my uncomfortableness around others was due to my judgment. I regret losing so many awesome moments fretting about 'I should have acted THAT way or ANOTHER for her to think I am a genuine person'. Now I think that not getting along is okay. I know I went massively off topic here :) but. *I MEAN THAT'S TOTALLY OFF TOPIC* sometimes I see it almost as a math equation: if I get along with person A and person B, and they both love person C, why do I feel so out of place in person C's presence. That's really interesting to think about. MATH IS COOL. So is the Internet.
ReplyDeleteI know that you mean, the internet is awesome for anxiety. Have a great new year.
ReplyDelete@Erin I totally get how your faith can help you with this, and also I'm kinda glad to hear it's not just me who feel that difference. I mean, the level of anxiety I hit in the situations is of course still promblematic, but still...
ReplyDelete@nelamonster Yes, I know the mathematical view from myself. It's a shame personalities are so... well, irreducable. It would be the greatest if we could figure that stuff out through equations!! :D
@Kathy S Yes, I have no idea what I would do without the internet!! :-o
And to you too! :)