Here we go again, exams...
I truly hate exams. Not just because I am generally anxious about stuff and have always been dealing with severe exam anxiety - actually, for the first time, this seems to be less of a problem.
But I hate the entire concept of exams. I understand that we need to somehow make sure that the people we are educating actually, well, learn stuff. I get that.
But I do not feel that examinations (at least the kind I'm experiencing) possibly could show/measure or even estimate our understanding of the subject.
And actually grading us on the basis of these tests seems entirely ridiculous to me. I mean if it was just a basic 'we want to check whether you have understood anything at all so we can let you take the next courses'-thing, and they'd give us a passed/not-passed, then I would find it
a little less ridiculous.
The way I see it, what is really being tested is first of all how well we handle stressed/pressed situations. And then of course our memory. In my case it seems to be purely short-term memory. The amount of facts I have had in my head up to previous exams, but which have then disappeared from my mind the moment I was done with the given exam, is impressive. So yeah, short-term memory definitely gets tested.
And then just the simple matter of how well-practiced you are at the whole exam thing in general. And the most important factor: how lucky you happen to be with this certain examination. Are the questions all about those two chapters you
just got around to reading the night before the exam, or is half of the test built up around that
one concept you find difficult or the two chapters you began your revision with - and therefore cannot remember anymore?
Well yes, if you have absolutely no idea what the subject is about, this will usually be revealed. Probably. But beyond that I don't feel like our level of understanding should be expected to come across through this type of examination. Trying to quantify whether we know a lot or just a little.... It's just not working.
But at least I seem to be handling it a little better this time. For now at least.
Previously I have
blogged about wanting to care less about my grades and
stressing less about stuff I find pointless and ridiculous anyways. And right now I really don't care that I won't be getting a top grade on the exam because I can't remember the definition of every single term in our textbook.
I really don't.
I'll pass it, and that is all I need. I have never before been so calm about an exam I didn't expect to do well in. And I'm a bit proud of myself for this.
Yes, obviously, it does bother me that things are the way they are, and I still have this anger towards the system and its 'judging-desire' for wanting to put us all in boxes so it can pretend it knows where we are and who we are and what we can be used for.
However, I cannot change it. And so, instead, I'll laugh at it. They are only fooling themselves.
(I won't really laugh... But I won't let it get me either!)
But yes, indeed I am a Hufflepuff. Just and loyal.
And I really would like for life to be fair and all to be equal.
