Neglect...

I went straight from having been feeling really really good for quite a while to being right back with the anxiety attacks, stress, paranoia and haunting dreams... Took me about 48 hours, feelings of anxiety just accelerating.
I've often had dreams about people I know being hurt or being in pain, and me feeling guilty about it (though, this one was extreme, and honestly left me feeling a bit scared of my own mind). Always thinking that it seemed reasonable for me to have those dreams, given that I generally feel guilty about most things and that I always feel like I'm in the way.
But I haven't previously noticed the clear association between the dreams and my anxiety (or maybe I have noticed, but then forgotten again). And also, for once, I believe I know the exact cause of the anxiety acceleration. So, it is my hypothesis that the mechanism was something like:
Activator -> Anxiety -> Nightmare

All of which i just an extensive way of saying that I believe I have just observed myself experiencing anxiety from cause to reaction.

I'm not so good with people...... So, being afraid, I isolate myself, and hardly let anyone in. Basically, you only get in if you force your way.
Using this classical strategy - "the fewer you let in, the fewer can hurt you" - I have opened up to just about... well... 1 person.
Obviously, the problem is then if that 1 person does hurt you.
- Being prone to fear already, and being such a loner that you had no idea loneliness could hurt, betrayal from that 1 person can only provoke anxiety. And in great amounts!
(Interesting how I just switched from "I" to "you", huh?)
What then? All the faith put in one person, all the faith shattered.
There is nothing to do but let the fear and paranoia consume you. Nobody there to stop it.
So the anxiety builds up, hits suddenly, and knocks you all the way back to starting point.

Then, it actually seems pretty straight forward that anxiety caused by loss and self-inflicted loneliness, in turn causes nightmares about fear of losing people and also feeling guilty about it!
So straight forward that you would think I'd have discovered the cause of those nightmares a long time ago.
Maybe I just didn't want to realize it.