Some days...

The scary part is that you have no idea what you're throwing yourself into when you get out of bed in the morning.
You start the day normally, feeling no worse than usual. Then you make the first bad decision. But hey, shit happens. Then you thoroughly screw up something else and your annoyance causes the next failure. And then it all just escalates, turns out worse and worse until you finally can't take any more and go to bed at 5 p.m... Only to discover that, again, you made the wrong choice. There is no way you can sleep. Lying down makes it further worse. Your mind is racing - faster and faster, setting off cascades, reliving experiences, over-thinking everything, digging up feelings from the deep, working you into a proper panic attack. At this point you have to get up and you start pacing the apartment while trying to calm yourself down.
But even when you finally stop hyperventilating and feeling like your head, if not your entire body, will explode.... It's still there. That constant feeling of anxiety, placed right by your diaphragm where it nags and nags, maintaining the consuming unease, making you sick to your stomach.
If only you could go to sleep. But you know you can't....