One Too Many Times

Okay. I have no problem with people being religious. I think we're all entitled to put our faith in whatever we want - be it ourselves, each other, fireflies, or some deity. I believe that J.K. Rowling is a hero, and it's fine with me that some people don't believe that to be true.
However, something that does bother me - quite a lot - is when people use horrible, invalid arguments to try and "prove" some religion.
I prefer to keep away from online debates about religion and atheism and so on, because they won't get anyone anywhere (for a number of reasons). But sometimes the annoyance builds up and I need to let it out.

An argument I've heard one too many times is this:
"There must be a creator because The Big Bang cannot have arisen from absolutely nothing"

First of all, we don't "know" that there was nothing before the big bang. Obviously there are many things about the Big Bang theory (those words will always sound different now) that can't easily be tested, and I don't find it surprising that there's a lot we don't know about this.

Second, even if the entire theory turned out to be completely wrong and we had absolutely no idea how anything started, it still wouldn't  make a "God" the best explanation.

Lastly, if your logic is that it's impossible for something to arise from nothing; that there must be a creator... Then who created God??



Okay, I just needed to get that out. I might have to write more "One Too Many Times" posts in the future, when I hear some of the good old invalid arguments.

I don't even know...

Where to start?
I've been meaning to write a post about the traveling and the conventions and all that shizz. Never got around to that.
When I got back home I spent some time trying to adjust. I did not succeed. Instead I got a big round of all-consuming anxiety. The kind that lasts for weeks. The kind that keeps me in bed for days at a time.
Now I'm trying to crawl back out of this mess. Which is made a bit more difficult by the fact that my feet are swollen. Literally... My entire body has been breaking out in strange skin issues, and my feet are swollen and painful. Some days I really can't walk at all. I'm gonna go see the doctor tomorrow. (I cannot possibly say "the doctor" without thinking "The Doctor")

Oh and also, I quit university...

Oy with the poodles already.

STARS HOLLOW!!

Blog post tiiiiime!!

Cat and I went to Warner Brothers Studios in North Hollywood yesterday. This means that I GOT TO GO TO FREAKIN' STARS HOLLOW! I cannot put my fangirl excitement into words, but I am so excited that I don't give a shit about being such a fangirl. Go ahead and hate me for it.
Cat and I basically spent the majority of the tour in ecstasy; literally jumping up and down and gasping at every other sight.
Just... AH, so much awesome!!
We got to see so many things, including Luke's, Miss Patty's, Lane's house, the church, Dosee's Market, Lorelai's house, the gazebo (even though it had been moved), Rory's study tree, and even the Twickham House!
Besides Stars Hollow stuff, we got to see Central Perk, Sheldon Cooper's apartment (and the elevator!!) , LOTS of actual props and costumes from Harry Potter movies - e.g. a petrified Hermione - The Batmobile, and so so much more!
Also, we bought the entire merchandise shop on the way out.
Filming was not allowed, but we were allowed to take pictures on some parts of the tour...

Quick VidCon Scribbles

So, VidCon is over - :-( - and since this hotel wifi sucks beyond sucking I am writing a short blog post instead of getting annoyed that a video won't upload.

An attempt at putting the essence of my many thoughts and feelings into a few sentences:

VidCon was AMAZING. I definitely want to go again next year!
Being around so many people oozing with passion... Just... YES. An instant natural high.
The people behind the con did such a great job with everything and the convention center was great.
The fact that I feel like I know people who have absolutely no clue who I am, is something that will always seem weird to me.
Last year at LeakyCon I was amazed that all the "youtube celebrities" existed in 3D. This time it was the "smaller youtubers" who confused my brain by standing in front of me; full size and no computer screen. People who do know who I am and who I've been communicating with for a while.
Also, meeting a subscriber I don't already know... Oddest thing ever!
Everything was so motivating!! I walked away inspired to vlog a lot more and "not be afraid to be me"... (Cliché for a reason, right?)
I was also reminded of just how extremely awesome the youtube community is! Passion, friendship, inspiration, strength, and so much more. And at the same time we can use the community to support talents that need to be shared with the world.
Really. Just so much awesome and so many things. My brain can hardly handle it. I need to stop writing now, before I explode with the frustration from trying and failing to express the brilliance of VidCon.

I did not proofread this, so excuse any errors... That is all, folks.

Schmequent...

Frequent blogging, schmequent blogging, eh?
This is still more frequent than my blog posts have been in a long time, so YEAH, get off my back, B*¤#§ !

I honestly don't want to get into a long complaining rant-blog, so I'm just gonna state an extremely condensed  version of my thoughts.
I absolutely hate lying in my bed at night, unable to calm down. Overwhelmed by unwelcome feelings of stress and panic. Tossing and turning for hours, wishing I could simply turn of the conscious parts of my brain.
I hate waking up the next morning, surprised that I managed to fall asleep at some point and wondering what time my body finally gave in. Feeling the aftermath of the night's continuous stress signaling and the accompanying frustration and aggregated aggravation.

I hate that.

I also hate admitting defeat. But sometimes it must be done.

OH, and to end this on a happy note: I AM LEAVING NEXT WEEK! Can't wait.

See... HAPPY FACE

Also, I moved and I love my new place, but it's still a mess.

Making stuff up for fun!

THE RETURN OF THE NICCI! (Maybe...)

Yes, I am on a quest to get back into frequent blogging. We'll see how that goes though. Many have tried, and many have failed. But here is step 1.

And why not start with something that seems completely out of character for me; something as superficial as looks! Yes, that's right. But fear not, my friend, I am still me. As always, everything here boils down to fear. Now let's get started with the brain vomit:

For a long time, my fear of judgment has stopped me from taking much interest in my appearance. Well, actually, it's not so much a lack of interest as the usual lack of guts to just do what I want. Let me explain...
In my head, decisions and choices are to be based on some logical set of  demands, ideals, or parameters. Therefore, choosing a dress, a haircut, or a "look" in general leaves me bewildered, because there is no logic upon which I can base my decisions. (I know this explanation is getting a bit convoluted, but stay with me here...) Thus, for example, if I was to make an effort to look a specific way or "go for a certain look" (or whatever hip people call it nowadays), my logic suggests that this look actually would represent my choices and values. And so, my (extremely influential) irrational fears of everything and anything result in a decision not to care at all - because "what if people were to think that I actually find it important how others look, and that I must be a superficial bitch??"...
Now, obviously, one fault in this logic is that the majority of people don't think like that, and therefore would not read that much into e.g. my outfit. (I mean, we're all subconsciously prejudice about people's looks and the implications of these, but those judgments are also somewhat individual since they are at least partly based on previous experiences. So it is quite impossible to predict a given stranger's judgment of me and my appearance.)
And then of course; the most important things I need to explain to myself:

1. So what if strangers think you're a superficial bitch?! Doesn't matter.
2. It does not need to be such a big deal! It's just an outfit or an eye shadow or whatever!! It's just for fun. Harmless fun. Just like Harry Potter! It may not be the purpose of life, but it is fun/interesting/helpful/something!
Over-rationalizing everything leads to pointlessness (and perhaps insanity) since all of your logic essentially is based on one thing: THERE IS NO OVERALL PURPOSE. In the end, this means that even logic is useless, and suddenly nothing is rational, and everything you think you are and know is pointless, and it all becomes one huge paradox.
So, yeah... Don't go there. Just enjoy as many parts of life as possible.
Basically. If  (for some very odd reason) you want to wear a gigantic purple bird in your hair, just do so!
 - As long as it's not a live one that might fly off and attack a stranger. Or something. Yeah

Naturally, with my obsessive personality and habits, I have turned these thoughts into a giant project; wanting to get better at having fun being me - without worrying about what others read into my behavior. And who knows, in the long run it might make me better at making all those general decisions I'm always afraid of making (i.e. any decisions)...
I am already finding this new "appearance approach" very liberating in so many ways, but that is brain vomit for another time.
I think, overall, the biggest change in my outlook is this: I used to think that people who put money and effort into their appearance did it for others. However, now I actually get what people mean when they talk about doing this for yourself and as an outlet for creativity. I honestly thought that kinda talk was pure bullcrap. So yes, if you think this all sounds like exactly that - bullcrap - I totally get why that is.

Anyways, as always, this long rant about fear has the usual point: Life is what I make it.

See!! I've got style!

Planned this year (so far...)

Netherlands

Scotland

England

California

Tennessee

Illisnois ϟ

Just saying....  

 ✈

Angry rant is angry.

This is an atheist rant. You have been warned.
When I wrote it, I was angry, annoyed, and provoked. Hence, the extreme amounts of all caps.


I had decided not to post this, but now I did post it. Remember - angry rant! Not everything that comes out during a rant makes sense. Also, I can't be bothered to explain it, so I'll just give you the raw rant:

It is faith! The one thing that bothers me is when people won't just accept that it is about FAITH, and therefore you cannot prove it. You can discuss the truths and rights and wrongs of your faith, as long as you make it clear that it is a faith! My problem is when people try to PROVE that their faith is true....
In science, first of all, proof, evidence, laws, all that - it's not the infinite, overall, universal, indisputable truth. It is what we conclude must be true, based on everything we know, and IT CAN be disputed in the future if we make new discoveries that change the way we view things.
Science is systematized. It consists of different methods and definitions which we use to make sure that we are discussing the same things with the same preconceptions and understandings.
SO, you cannot scientifically prove something WITHOUT THE SCIENCE. You can't just pick and choose the parts of science you like. (Of course you can disagree with a specific method or how it is used - as long as you have scientific arguments for it). And you cannot disprove any scientific notion or concept with anything other that SCIENCE. If you want to discuss science, you use science. Not the bible. And not your own definition of right and wrong or good and bad. NOT your faith.
I once heard a creationist argue that there was no way the evolution theory could be true because the whole idea of "survival of the fittest" was just evil..... (?!!!?)
(I'm not gonna comment on that because the arguments of creationists happens to be a pet peeve of mine, and once I start complaining, I can't stop.)

I have no problem with people believing in something I don't understand and don't see how could be possible, but I do have a problem with people not accepting that faith is one thing and science is a completely different thing. Faith is faith. It's something you believe. Personally.
Science is about investigating and explaining what seems to be. It is NOT something personal.
You are also allowed to completely disagree with every scientific method. But then I don't really know what you would base anything in your daily life on.