Seaweed-covered Chocolate

Welcome to 2011!

I had a very low-key 31st of December. The fireworks everywhere terrifies the crap out of me so I prefer to stay inside all day and night if possible.
So, I stayed home with my roommate and made lots and lots of sushi and watched old episodes of The Big Bang Theory...

A New Year's treat for myself. Hadn't tried it before. Very nice! 

Roasting sesame seeds for the sushi

Having a little schorle while preparing the food

Cutting the fish

Lots of sushi, giant rolls, stomach ache ahead

So I'm starting out this year with huge amounts of leftover homemade sushi and a deep desire to wrap everything from millet to cheese to chocolate to liquorice in nori sheets...
And I hope everyone had a nice 2011-beginning!

Goodbye Freedom

Merlin, Monday is getting close!
I hate it.
I feel like the weakest little crybaby ever. Everything is too much for me. Anything at all is too much.
Even though I feel like nothing really matters and everything is unimportant, even the smallest little thing can evoke massive feelings of paralyzing anxiety.
And I feel like a huge failure because I can no longer live up to the image of strong overcoming and accomplishing Nicole.
Why can't I stop my brain and its detrimental thought patterns?
And will I have to spend my entire life feeling like this? Battling everyday.... Battling myself, my thoughts...
It seems hopeless. But I just really don't want to give up.
I need help. I wish I could pause everything. Take a long break.
The closer I get to Monday, the gloomier my outlook gets.

Something positive... Hmm...
Oh, I had a really good time again with my awesome sister yesterday, we had brunch and did some shopping.
I even bought something myself for once!

The Brunch, Cafe Dalle Valle

And I had coffee with another wonderful friend today.
If only I could spend the rest of my life having brunch and coffee with awesome people.....

What a Morning

No electricity at all in the apartment. And having to be at work at 6 a.m.... That was a dark experience!
Luckily I was able to find a few candles and I made it here in time.
School start is getting closer. And I feel the anxiety rising inside me like a dough with way too much yeast. I'm having serious difficulties handling it, however I am definitely trying. Today I am having lunch with my sister. I have noticed how that usually gets my mind of things... For a while at least.
And I'm really looking forward to it!
Just a short day at work to be conquered first...

Something to think about

I watched Invictus today. If you ask me, that Eastwood guy is pretty damned good at what he does. I love the stories he tells! And always several stories at once. And he tells them in a realistic and graspable manner.
Respect.

The movie is about Nelson Mandela - obviously a very inspiring man. Not surprising.
I was really impressed by one scene. Matt Damon (I don't remember the name of the character) is staring out a window the night before the most important day of his life, when someone asks if he is thinking about tomorrow.
He answers something like:
'No, that's gonna work out. One way or the other. I'm thinking about how you spend 30 years in prison and come out ready to forgive the people who put you there...'

That sure is something to think about.

Christmas Eve

Cooking

 

Eating

And 4 Harry Potter movies!

Cookies!

So spending time in the kitchen is mandatory at Christmas right?

Happy Christmas!

Happy holidays and all that stuff!

 Here is what I'm wishing for: donations for water.org.
Merry Christmas/Whatever-you're-celebrating!

Christmas Images

Last year I kinda made a promise to myself.
A promise that I would make this Christmas different. That I would make sure it wasn't just the usual holiday of darkness and depression.
I gave up on this promise pretty early this winter, thinking that it would be at least as horrible as it has been the last couple of years. However, it seems to be turning out okay.... okay...

I am actually enjoying the few days of not stressing. Spending hours online, watching GG and HP and stuff.
I've completely refrained from studying (though I must admit I still feel slightly guilty about it) and I even think I've gained a little bit of weight again.

And I am truly excited about my "new" home, and having my best friend as my roommate. 

So, just a few pics from this white and cold winter:

First, my present from Kasper arrived yesterday! Pure awesomeness!

And here are some pictures from back when the snow first started falling and it seemed a bit exciting.

Even despite the days of anxiety about work and stuff, it almost feels - I don't know - positive?

Merry Christmas - or whatever you may be celebrating...!